So I wanted to write to you about the fact that you have a choice and guilt is just a state of mind.
At the end of last year I sat in Circle with my gorgeous mentor Mitle Southey and other Circle holders, reflecting on our life and work during 2022, looking at things we might want to release as we move towards 2023.
For me it became clear that as a holder of many spaces, in work and life, for many people, I am rarely held myself. So I made the commitment to change that this coming year, to practise what I preach and fully embody my own beliefs about the power and medicine that can be found in Circle ~ but this time for me.
As it often goes in life, I went from making this beautifully empowered decision and gorgeous plans of how I would gracefully ease into 2023, fully embodying all the magic and wisdom of the practices I teach…to it being much different.
Life threw me a curve ball.
A beautiful, fertile, nurturing one, but a giant one all the same.
A large puppy bomb went off in our lives. Our beautiful Beddy Whippet, Daphne, had 10 pups on the first day of the school Christmas holidays. From 3.30am we sat with Daphne, as she started labour, watching her pace and shiver..at 9.30am on Saturday 17th December the first little bundle of fluff eased his way into the world, with one pup following every half hour after that.
It was both magical and humbling to witness our dogs’ natural instincts and know exactly what she needed to do. My husband and I had very little input but were on hand just in case help was needed. Two sadly didn’t survive, even with our attempts to save them but Daphne was an awe inspiring mum, birthing and feeding just as nature intended.
For me I needed some time out, space to reflect and tune in. To stop the perpetual to do list and just be for a few hours. What felt self indulgent was so needed.
Rather than pushing on through, I stepped back into my home just a couple hours later feeling like a totally different person, having charged up my batteries, filled up my own cup, so I was in a better space to pour all of the love, attention and care that the other areas of my life needed.
Not from a place of depletion but from a place of joy and gratitude.
That’s the power of Circle, of time and space alone, it gifts you reconnection to you.
So you can feel more balanced and then operate from that place, not from one where you feel so far down the pecking order in your own life, you are not sure if you are coming or going.
I know guilt, I understand her.
Most of us have been raised in a culture that uses guilt and obligation as a method of control, so much so we don’t even stop to question why we are feeling it. We don’t pick it apart and see if it’s even ours or if it’s valid.
We are so caught up in the loop of guilt to even realise. Guilt keeps you stuck, repeating patterns of negative behaviour and thoughts.
If it’s something you struggle with too, next time you catch yourself feeling that familiar sensation, or listening to those thoughts swirling in your mind, I invite you to get curious for a moment..and ask yourself ~ Is this true? Is this mine?
Then, acknowledge it but not let it stop you.
Quite often it’s just taking that first step, out of a comfort zone.
If you are feeling guilty this new year for taking time out for you, perhaps you have just had time off so taking more time for you might feel greedy, or perhaps it’s financial guilt about spending money on yourself…just know that the benefits of gifting yourself time and space for you have far reaching ripples, not just within your own life but of those who you love and those who witness you prioritising yourself..that is an inspiring thing to model to others, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Remember filling your own cup first can only ever benefit others.